Do you ever get that way? Have a feeling and not really know how to define it. Today I feel that way. It's a weird week being right after Easter. Last week was so busy on so many levels and this week is quite, well, chill. So today there is this feeling lingering in the back of y stomach, heart, brain.
I'm not anxious really, which is a feeling I have more than I like. But it's not a "happy" feeling. I don't know I might label it as homesickness. I've been in Temple now I guess pushing 9 months and have gone home frequently (once a month at least) but it's always felt like those trips have been rushed or not long enough. I don't have a lot of vacation that I can take and I would like to possibly be able to take an actual vacation to somewhere, (but we'll see on that) so it's always been a weekend trip except for T-giving and Christmas which I got a few more days.... but major run on sentence....
I've got friends here. Don't get me wrong, there are people that I like and have hung out with and do stuff but my best friends, one I have known since I was born and only really reconnected with a little over a year ago and my best best friend of many many years are in Gainesville. So there is that level of people really knowing me that I am missing...
Oh and there is my parents. I love them, I lived with them for the 8 months before I moved to Temple and we had a pretty good thing going. They really are some good peoples. I am pretty sure that the last time I was home I talked non-stop about anything and everything for about 30 minutes as soon as I walked in the door. I mean from the sublime to the ridiculous.
So I guess I just want to talk. Maybe that's why I'm blogging (twice in one week MIRACLE!) I need to speak about something other than church stuff or children. There are so many thoughts that run through my head that have nothing to do with work related things, and once the work day is over I'm home alone.
Maybe this is normal first year out of school into the real workforce on your own kind of feelings, but it's odd to me. I did 20 years of school, well 23 counting pre-k and kindergarten I guess, and I a just about to turn 28, so being a student has been one of my greater identities for most of my life. So if that is it I am sure parts of it will pass but in this moment at this place it is weird all of the sudden to be lacking some of that social outlet, or the crazy variety of things that occur in the life of a student. Things are routine. It's a double edged sword.
I am trying to find my identity I guess. but I might just have to save that topic for another post later as I have had sooooooooooo many thoughts about all of that. So feelings.... what to do, what to do? I'm not looking for loving affirmations of our friendship, I just needed to vent tonight about where my head is at. I guess I feel somewhat better, and maybe I need to do just write more often. So possibly expect more writing later.... but don't start a countdown or anything....
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